Monday, April 21, 2008
Have you all ever wondered what are the causes of failed relationships? Or did you just sat there, cry and lament; pushed all the blame to the opposite sex?
This is more than just the case of egoistic guys and flirtatious women; It always takes two hands to clap, as a matter of factly, but most refuse to take the blame.
1. The Big Vitamin M; MISCOMMUNICATION, not Money
Ever feel frustrated because your partner and you are walking on different routes and going towards different directions? Ever feel like you're talking ABC's and words while he speaks in 123's and numbers?
He wants your attention and you want his. It takes more than just the ears to be able to listen to what he has to say, but also the patience to let him finish up his conversation so you can start on your topic. The funny thing? Most do not have the patience.
Most arguements start small; when couples are in their so called "honeymoon period". To tell you the truth, the so called "honeymoon period" NEVER exists once you stepped into a relationship.
Think back; when was the first arguement you had with your new boyfriend? Within 1, 2 or 3 months? Isn't that during your honeymoon period?!
Let me derive an example.
"Hey baby, my exams finish this coming weekend. How about dropping by the usual for a mini cycling trip, just the both of us, in remembrance of the first time we met." says the girl. And the boyfriend fell sick, so, they had to change the plans for that coming weekend.
And so, they met up near the boyfriend's house after the girl had waited for an hour or so. And my, she was utterly disgusted with his attire. "Didn't I mentioned that we'd be going on a cycling trip?" as she notice him clad in t-shirt, jeans and black office shoes.
See what i mean by going different directions?
Moral of the story? Look for someone that goes in the same direction as you, and not make him change his ways.
2. A for Apologies
Guys, put away the male egoism of yours. Girls can be egoistic as well, but instead of continueing the arguement, how about saying" Hey sweetie, I'm sorry for what I've done. I didn't mean to butt you in but i personally feel... ...". Sometimes (for both guys and girls), if you feel that apologizing is so hard, instead of just standing there and doing nothing, pull your partner to you and hug him/her. If he/she struggles, all the more better! Hug your partner tightly, all the anger will be gone, hearts will be melted. And everything would be alright.
Try sorting out things after everyone has cooled down and when one could think better. It's always better to resolve any conflicts with a calm mind than to continue yelling at one another and nothing gets into each other's head.
Also, hugging may not be the solution to your problems if you just hug and make out and forget about the matter. Things will be much worse if the same mistake happens again.
3. My World Doesn't Revolves Around Y-O-U
Give each other some personal time/freedom to spend some time alone, and with friends, colleagues whatsoever. Do have the ABSOLUTE trust (though it'll never be 100%) in your partner, else, your relationship is a mistake in the first place.
Though times where your partner could be spending a tad too much time out with his guy friends watch soccer and drinking beer/painting the town red and only to reach home in the wee hours of the morning. In times like this, it'd always be good to sit down and talk to your partner. How about having something for a change? You invite him over to your house and watch a soccer match together. shout "GOAL!" when his favourite team scores. It always feels good to have your partner sharing the same hobby as you.
For guys, girls don't need your companionship with your golden teeth while shopping. Open up your mouth, give some opinions "Hey darling you look DROP DEAD GORGEOUS in this dress. BUY IT and I'll pay (optional). I'm sure this would make your girl beam and smile the whole day because what matters to them most is your valuable opinion; from someone they love the most.
And while waiting for your partners to be home and you REFUSE to go to bed first, try finding something productive to work on; making cards for his coming birthday/anniversary, flash videos and powerpoint slides, some random presents that reminds him/her that you're thinking of him/her and that you care. Who knows, by the time you're done with the present, your partner would be home and you could go to bed in peace.
Of course, there are more reasons that leads to a failed relationship. No matter what, if you really love someone, do what it takes to have him/her. I'll end this entry with a nice story, and you'd all know why I say to do what it takes.
A student once asked his teacher "why do we have to make use of opportunities once you feel that they're here? There'll always be other opportunities right?" The teacher, without replying to the student's question, told him to go to the corn field beside the school. She said "My dear, walk through the padi field and pick the largest padi you can see. But do take note, you may only walk through the field once and you may never walk back again. So choose your corn with care."
So the student walked to the cord field. As he walked past the first patch of padi, he saw a BIG and strong cron on the cob waiting to be plucked. As he was about the pick the corn, he thought "perhaps I'll get better ones up right in the front when i walk on". In reply to his own hesitation, he left the corn there and walked on.
As he passed the second batch of corn, he saw an even BIGGER corn. He was on his way to pluck it, when he thought "I walked to the first patch, saw a big corn, but didn't pick it in hope that I would find a larger one. True enough, I found this one that's larger than the previous. I should walk on and try my luck. Who knows, I may find a much larger one than this".
So, he walked on again. True enough, he found a much much larger corn as compared to the ones he saw as he walked past the first and second patch. However, the student was not contented. He wanted to try his luck since he was lucky enough to bypass 2 huge corns and found a bigger one.
To his dismay, he never got a chance to find another huge corn. The ones he walk past were all medium sized corns. He merely took one corn, and walk back to the classroom, feeling very down.
"What happened? Why did you pick such a small corn? Didn't I told you to pick the largest possible?" the teacher exclaimed. The student, feeling ashamed, hung his head down and said "I forgo the 3 corns I saw, as each time I walked past them, I felt i should walk further to try my luck to see if I would find much bigger ones."
The teacher said "Dear students, treat this as a lesson learnt. Opportunities come and go, it may be a once in a lifetime thing, once in a blue moon, or sometimes, never. Whenever you see an opportunity, grab hold of it before it slips past and it's too late to turn back.
Moral of the story:
The girl/guy in front of you may not be good looking, or the one of your dreams. But if they have a kind heart and a good character, grab hold of him/her before he/she's gone. You'll never know when will the next partner come knocking at your door.
If you are those who would go for the better, you'll never be able to get married cause' you'll always be searching for the "better" other and would not stop changing partners.
If you really love your partner, you'd be willing to go through all the ups and downs with him/her. Most importantly, you'd do whatever it takes to make him/her stay. And would stop anyone from harming/snatching him/her away.
The Tainted Truth is created with due response to how political and hypocritical the world is. Also, the writer of this blog acts as a counsellor who needs problems to be solved; naturally, not the given solution would be the best one, but it acts as an alternative, rather than to run away from one's problems.